STATS
Hobbies: RC Cars
Last Project: Velveeta and Roadkill
Current Project: Coming out of washed-up DJ retirement
Next Project: World domination (see favourite sport)
Childhood: Always

FAVOURITES Place: The shower Person: Richard Simmons is a ruler! Hero / Mentor: MacGyver Sport: Croquet with Gin and Tonics Car: Pick-up Food: Deep-Fry Animal: Ants/Cat Book: Psychopathia Sexualis by Krafft-Ebing Film: Gummo Season: Fall Colour: Black Piece of Gear: My 'Carlos' ginch - never play without it.

DJ Jason Winters "[Family]: Every time I spend time with my family, another board game gets banned."

OBJECTS
Regret: Buttocks implants
Fear: Going to bed without a shower
Perfect Night: Marta Stewart in nothing but her pretty apron, and lots of lube.
Virtue: Virtuous?
Defect: Lobotomy at age 13
Worry: Chronic masturbation
Kiss: Where abouts?
Something to Solve: How to cheat at Monopoly without getting caught
Frustration: Boredom
Doubt: My parents claim I am not adopted, but I don't believe them
Challenge: Having friends
Thins You Never Do: Go to church
Dream: That George Bush spontaneously combusts
Hope: That thong underwear aren't just a passing fad
Memory: My super hot high school French teacher
Vice: Ho-Ho's Chinese fast food

OPINION
Sex: Dogs humping in the park
Love: I love cheeseburgers
Music: Poison, Ratt, Twisted Sister, Whitesnake, etc. rule
Vancouver: Weird
Heaven: Duffin's Donuts
Hell: A Yanni concert opened by Celine Dion
Diety: See 'Hero/mentor'
Lust: Troublemaker
Friends: I wish
Fashion: What's that?
Angels: One of the few perks of Schizophrenia
Demons: One of the many drawbacks of Schizophrenia
Aliens: You should ask the Scientologists or Raelians about that. They are probably better informed.
Happiness: See 'A perfect night'
Time: Annoying
War: Uh, not very excellent
Religion: Ditto
Peace: The NRA's forte
Death: Inevitable
TV: Bad reputation, but really, who doesn't like watching The Learning Channel?
Pain: Nothing that can't be cured with a few Tylenol 3's
Reincarnation: Yeah, right.
Life: My fat cat has the good life
Past: Funny
Future: Next week
Success: Anthony Robbins
Perfection: Narcissism
Excellence: Hair Club for Men
Parties: Hoe-downs
Future of dance music: Electronic bling-bling evangelical country
Justice: Artificial
Traveling: If I hear one more person tell me how he/she discovered himself/herself while on a soul-searching trip, I will force feed him/her his/her hackey sack.
Miracles: Coincidence, of course
Family: Every time I spend time with my family, another board game gets banned.
The Internet: Mecca for paraphiliacs
Truth: Flexible
Communication: Shoot from the hip
Youth: Relative